Giving love, attention and compassion to others; these actions are not the overflow of attentions to our selves, not the excess pennies or diamonds from our pockets. They are instead creations from the cold stuff of the universe, butterfles emerging, wet and new, transformed from crusty cocoons. Giving and loving is the creation of positive energy, healing not only others, but ourselves, nourishing the greater Self.
Category Archives: Deep Thoughts
The Clock’s Lesson
Time tells us things, but never stops to think.
I awoke this morning in Bethesda, MD, in the room I grew up in. I looked out the window, through a high, distant patch of sky, a small hole in the dense foliage. I felt as if I were looking up to freedom from a place of pleasant imprisonment, to a place of infinite love from a world with all too much hate.
I thought of a meditation image where one thinks of the true Self as the blue sky behind the clouds. I lay in bed, thinking about this burgeoning Self, the blue sky I am just beginning to really know at age 46, about the importance of starting the day off right, with clarity and calmness.
I glanced at the clock to see what time it was, what time I was starting my day. The clock said 9:11 AM. Today is September 11, 2006. It was as if I were being reminded by that coincidence, being given my lesson. Today is a day for remembering and learning.
I thought of those who perished on this day five years ago. How many of them were just beginning to find themselves, as I am? How many had already done so and were sharing their love deeply with all those around them? How many hadn’t yet even glimpsed what they might have seen if they had had some more time?
The world changed that day. I wonder if those who perished then would think we’ve really improved things. Have we really tackled the hate behind those attacks? Or have we just obfuscated it, like so many more clouds obscuring the truly clear, blue sky? I wonder. What would “blue sky thinking” tell us? To hate back, or to find some other way?
I decided that my lesson for today was this: Not to add to the clouds of hate and mistrust. I think those who perished on September 11, 2001 would not want to see hate on top of hate. I will live this day actively toward clarity and compassion. I will try to help solve the problem by my actions, my life, rather than simply hating those who fumbled the opportunity we had 5 years ago to avoid war. I will try to forgive those who’s policies of hate have now caused the deaths of thousands of our soldiers. I will try to forgive those who started a war as a smokescreen to cover their own failures.
The clock reads 9:26 AM.
Tinges of patriotism
I have to admit, I feel safe, so far, in my country. I feel privileged to have the freedom to express these feelings, both good and bad. And so far, I also feel safe with the occasional rebellious thought of burning an American flag. Like a kid, I know I won’t do it, if I have the possibility of doing it. But if it’s forbidden, I know, as an American, I’ll have to challenge that.
Though many people still judge me for being gay, most Americans have made progress in accepting me as a full and valid citizen, especially young people. I can’t blame some for not understanding everything about me. But I know if they met me, they wouldn’t think me so bad. If they feel safe in their discomfort with me, they might feel safe enough to admit I’m just another person just like them. And I know that someday they’ll want to encourage me to commit in marriage to the person I love, no matter who that is. They’ll be proud of themselves for accepting me as an equal. I know this will happen in this country.
I feel some pride to be in a country which tries its best to accept just about anyone, regardless of their religion or nationality. I understand many people’s fear that too many people will try to take advantage of this privilege. Who can blame them. At least in the USA we can rely on the common decency of most citizens to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Even if someone doesn’t fit in, we give them a shot. Though not if anyone’s beliefs involve hurting others.
I feel that my privacy is respected in general, at least in my neighborhood. If everyone can do their thing with out my interfering, then they’ll also leave me alone. Shouldn’t it be that way? For example, I don’t like the “God centered classrooms” sign in the neighbor’s yard two doors away. But I know they deserve the right to their view. I don’t think Americans will give up the “live and let live” policy easily. You can’t spy on one person with out all of us wondering if we’ll be next. I know we won’t let things get out of hand in the USA. We’ve come too far.
I’m enjoying hearing the loud thumping of huge fireworks in my neighborhood, which are being shot off despite the rainy weather. I like that we all can shout and explode a bit about how good we all have it in this country. And how most countries don’t even come close. Even when it’s gray and rainy, we know we have it darn good.
And then there’s my dear friend Orbella, who comes from Albania. She is truly enlightened in the ancient European ways of rich and solid culture, about morals and tradition. I respect her depth of understanding about the world. And she also knows about deprivation, having lived under communism. Yet, the other night she looked me straight in the eye and told me this is the most free country she can imagine living in. That makes me proud.
I think we have it pretty good. We’ll all somehow get through these troubling and doubtful times. We have to stick together and trust each other, and try to understand why some of us are afraid. Goodness knows we have many good reasons to be afraid. But I hope we can all see we shouldn’t fear or hate each other, no matter what our differences.
Our current administration wants to take advantage of our fears. Some of their tactics have worked pretty darn well. But I also know that most of us Americans are on to them now. We know in our guts we have to stick together. All of us. No matter what.
We have to listen, even when we don’t want to. We have to speak our minds, even when no one is listening. But we have to stick together, no matter what. That’s what being an American is all about.
The Sound of my Soul.
It’s perfect. The garden view outside the window of my computer desk is beautiful, stunning in its passing perfection. It will never be the same again. Does it ever need to be? I have seen it. Or have I?
The power of doubt can be misleading. It can loosen sanity, unhinge it. An overdose, of sorts, blinding the simple sight of the soul’s awareness of the world. We doubt in order to discern, question to learn. But as with any tool, improper use can be dangerous.
A garden is a symphony of textures, colors, scenes, structures, singing four movements continuously, an ever rich and complex variation on multiple themes, an interaction of style and chance. My intervention is a duet, rather than a composition.
The sound of my soul whirs as its engine pumps through me. Blood carries the air of breath to my flesh and bones. Sparks of electricity flash, giving light to gray lobes. The body is the turbine of the spirit, its instrument. It’s how the soul learns of its own existence, temporarily cleaved from the raw stuff of stars. It will never be the same. Yet it continues beyond, and also precedes, the corporeal self. It is never born and never dies. 
The spirit that doubts itself is troubled. Be gentle and know your rightful peace. No fairy tale book need be consulted to affirm its presence. The garden hums its tune, singing a healing hymn, if one is listening.
Know your rightful Peace.
Hear your conscience.
Listen to your soul’s music.
It will never be the same.
Glittering Commentari 15, Ron
It’s been awhile since I posted a Glittering Commentari. But Ron of Wondering Soul presented me with this concise and simple description of the relationship between doing and being, which was the subject of the post. I can’t imagine it being put more clearly.
If I may simply amplify what has already been said…my ideal is to let my doing be informed by being, that is, all doing comes, whether consciously or not, from being. One of the main difficulties is maintaining awareness in this present moment of now, of source (of being) whatever one chooses to call it, God, Goddess, Gaia, Spirit or whatever. As Neale Donald Walsche put it in ‘Conversations with God’; “remember who you really are and be that!†St. Paul said to “walk in the Spirit†(who you really are) and the doing will naturally arise from that state of consciousness.
Please visit his site. You’ll come away feeling lighter in spirit.