Best Feel In Town

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The other night I went to this new health spa, called “Cedars of Lebanon Health Spa”. I was in dire need of some R and R. I’ve been under some stress recently. With my Dad’s surgery, performing a difficult concert, buying a new (used) car (fun but stressful), being on a high stress committee for my job, fooling around way too much on the computer, I needed to stretch out and just take in some attention. So I went. I wasn’t far from my house. Maybe ten minutes. Parking was easy.

I walked in, and was immediately given personal attention. With a smile. Not just how are you, but what’s going on in your life, pretty much anything I wanted to talk about was par for the course. I felt special from the start. I’m thinking, this is OK.

After venting a bit about what was stressing me, which helps relieve it, I was led to a private room, where I stripped to shorts, lay on a comfortable bed, and got a very vigorous and warming massage, pretty much from head to foot. This guy’s hands could devine their way to the tensest, tightest, sorest parts of me. He used a wonderful pine scented oil, refreshing and relaxing. And I’m thinking, I could get used to this.

After that I was installed in a private jacuzzi, with soft candle light, eucalyptus oil, a glass of really wonderful wine, and peace and quiet. Ahhhh. I soaked for a good half hour, thoroughly enjoying the experience, thinking, what’s the catch? The billowing bubbles tickled every corner of my body, melting tension away. When I got out, I was treated to yet another quick massage, this time with a skin nourishing Vitamin E cream to baby my skin some more.

When I finally left, I thought to myself, this is an excellent place. Quality, class, detail. And the cost of joining was only the promise to return and enjoy more of that attention. Pretty miraculous! Hard to turn that down. Maybe I should read the fine print carefully before commiting.

So, what do you think? Should I join? The offer won’t last forever, that’s for sure. The Cedars of Lebanon Health Spa is now offering the Best Feel in Town, for a limited time only.

Funny test answers3

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Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV.

Funny test answers2

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Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

Funny student test answers

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These are actual answers given on history tests, and in Sunday school quizzes, by 5th and 6th grade kids from Ohio. I have more, which I’ll post regularly

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.

Poem for Tim

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I love you
more than I can stand,
less than I need.
Where is the bed,
the sweet sheets
to hide our shame
and our ineptitude?
Are the stars enough,
the milky blanket
which shields us nightly?

I am numb, paralyzed
until you touch me.
Kiss me,
Unleash the flood.
let me pour
over you,
through you
into you.