Letting Go

One could also say Give In. Sometimes it’s necessary to find balance by letting go, giving in.

Letting go of grudges can be hard, but there’s undeniable sense in it. It takes courage to float free without that solid feeling of anger to push against. It may take years to let go of a grudge, but with persistence, it is finally done and then it seems so sensible.

R came to visit for a few weeks. Five years after he left me, I’m able to fully embrace his wonderful being without any regret, anger, grudge or hurt. None. That’s freedom.

Letting go of expectation is also difficult. We all expect a lot of ourselves. Sometimes I’m just bogged down with expectation. It’s a mire through which I slog, unable to move. It’s so ironic that my attempts to motivate myself are the reason I can’t. Once a counselor told me I need a T-shirt that says “Should Man”, since I over used that word in our sessions.

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Spreading Joy All Over the Place!

Liz from Letting Me Be tagged me, happily, with this SEARCH FOR JOY tag, who caught the bug from Melly from All Kinds of Writing. What a yummy idea! Beware, it’s quite infectious! And such joyous homework to do! Thank you both, from here to Timbuktu.

My search came up with a bundle of joy, my little babbling brook always seeking, if not always finding, that easy overflow of happiness. At present I feel joy at being asked to do this. I feel joy at having friends (blog and flesh) who forgive me my neuroses and love me anyway, joy at still being able to tell my mother and father and sister how much I love them.

Joy comes gushing from me at inopportune moments, in the middle of a performance of Mahler 4th, for example. (see Mahler and Bob) Or it pops out of me when I’m listening to a friend tell me of his day, and I realize how suddenly happy I am to be this friend. (of course, he thinks I’m not listening to him, which may be true, but hey, joy is like a sneeze for me!)

The joy which pops up in my words here takes varied forms. In Ephemeral Joy, I wonder: Is there any other kind? What kind of joy can you bottle? Except maybe wine.

A favorite spiritual poem, The Drummer finds someone searching for the internal/external rhythms of life, and finds ” fear giving breath to joy.”

Inlaid Wooden Pew tries to imagine the lives and emotions of ancient stories, crystallized in the beauty of an ornate church pew.

Babbling Drops sees joy in the wiggling of new oak leaves under a drizzling rain.

And, more recently, Mahler explains to Bob the Demon how joys and sorrows are the grist for our lives, and that one is never far from the other.

I’d like to pass this torch to Whirling Betty whom I know will find joy to post, even if it’s not yet on her blog; to Dantallion, Jessamyn of Theriomorph, Daisy Winifred from Animated Stardust, GEL of Silken Threads, and Erin of Poetic Acceptance. (I like to add a sub, in case someone is unable to participate)

Here’s what to do:
THE SEARCH FOR JOy

Search your blog for the word “joy” used in the context of “happiness”. If you cannot find the word in your weblog, you may use any of the select list of synonyms below.joy- amusement, bliss, cheer, comfort, delectation, delight, ecstasy, elation, exaltation, exultation, exulting, felicity, gaiety, gladness, glee, good humor, gratification, happiness, hilarity, humor, jubilance, liveliness, merriment, mirth, pleasure, rapture, regalement, rejoicing, revelry, satisfaction, wonderIf your weblog does not include a built-in search engine, then you can use Google to search it only for the word you wish to find.If you’ve found the word and it was not used facetiously or sarcastically, good for you. All you need to do is link to your earlier entry, and write a few words about that joyous moment. If, however, you have no joy (whole words only) in your weblog, you must dig deep in your soul and find something wonderful in your life right now. One little thing that fills you with warmth, that bubbles you over with quiet happiness, or tickles you with its good-hearted hilarity, or makes you glad you just took a breath, and are getting ready to take another. It doesn’t have to be anything big. A smile someone gave you; your cat on your shoulder; the way the light angles through your window and casts rainbows on your floor. All it has to be is something genuine, something real, something that matters to you.Because we all need joy in our lives, and need to take the time — from time to time– to recognize it. And sometimes, we need to pass it on.Even if we’re a big pain in the ass when we do.When you’ve dealt with your own joy, pass the quest on to five other bloggers.

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What is a Kiss?

What is a kiss if not pure bliss?
Can it be spent or saved, as a coin
dropped in a slot machine, fruit
spinning dials deciding fortunes
outcome from emotion purloined?

Can a kiss be a kiss if not missed?
Where are the dreams of passion
lost in wine soaked hours spent rubbing
the lamp, waiting, hoping genie’s
magic will quell doubtful ration?

Isn’t a kiss the door to a garden
of roses, leading up to a house
with no blinds? Where is the porch
and the light switch to guide me?
Where is the mill of my arousal?

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House of Trust

If trust is our house, then why am I lost
wandering in circles, unable to see?
I know you’re in there, waiting for us
sitting alone on that bench, wondering its cost.
But I can’t find my entrance, let alone the key.

I think I’ve been in there, warm by your fire.
Flickering light held me, mauve drapes closed us in.
I felt safe in your arms, restless soul was laid fallow.
Now I’m untethered and wet, slogging through mire.
If only I could find my way back to that comfortable skin.

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