What is Spirit and Spirituality?

Adirondacks, View from Snowy Peak
Recently I’ve used the words spirit and spirituality very freely in my writing. What do these words mean to me?

These thoughts are based on personal experience, but are certainly influenced by my interest in science, Buddhism and yoga philosophy. I wish to highlight an aspect of being human which is difficult to categorize or analyze.

The word spirit has many uses, and in fact is overused. This especially true in New Age culture, where I believe its meaning has been weakened by lack of focused thought, and in Christian culture, where it is implies something outside any empirical or tangible sense.

So why write more about “spirit”? My intention is to balance its use in favor of something both ancient and current at the same time. By ancient I mean pre-Christian, indicating its use by American Indian, Buddhist, Yoga and Pagan cultures, where spirit is something knowable and sensed through experience, yet mysterious and powerful. To give modern support for its meaning, I rely on knowledge of the human experience as described by scientific research, including physics, biology and astronomy.

The foundation of spirit is, I believe, based on personal experience and sense, “What do you feel spirit is?”, rather than what someone has told you it is.

In my twenties I often used the phrase “poetic moment”, meaning an experience where many factors contributed to a higher than average intensity of pleasure, understanding and connection. I mean something more meaningful than, for example, just sex, which is certainly intense and usually pleasurable. A poetic experience involves mind, body and something else, some out of body emotion or understanding. Things click in a big way. When I had these experiences, they didn’t last long, but always left a lasting impression on my memory.

For example, I listened to all 9 symphonies of Beethoven on day, beginning in the afternoon and continuing until late evening. As my fatigue accumulated from so much listening, my mind opened up to another level. I stopped thinking about the music and started just experiencing it. That’s when Beethoven came rushing deep into my being. The last three symphonies, Nos. 7, 8 and 9, were truly Spiritual experiences, poetic moments of connection to history, culture, music, myself and my muse. There was a connection to something and a liberation from something. Boundaries became less distinct. I felt as if I were in Beethoven’s head, hearing and writing them with all their meaning and depth and quality.

I’ve always appreciated the value of “subjective experience”. A lot of my poetry comes from what I feel rather than what I know or understand. In fact, sometimes the words just come to me, nagging to be heard. The personal experience of something, your version, has absolute validity for everyone. Beethoven is a great composer, but your subjective experience of his music will be completely different than mine. I can try to show you what I’m experiencing, but I can’t make you experience it. Your path is yours. In that way, your spirit is yours to acknowledge and develop.

So it is with the spirit of living. Spirit is the subjective (individual) experience of living, the consciousness of being alive. It is your coaxial cable connection to the universe, a direct link to all that is and is possible. I see this as the very basic, simple form of spirit, which needs to be cultivated and nurtured to grow. Animals have spirit, and so do plants. But we are able to be aware of much greater levels of spirit, our own and others. No ghosts, but a living, conscious spirit.

There is spirit in our experience of all things, from the beauty of a sea Anemone and also in its sting, to the magnificence of the Milky Way and its daunting void, in the magical flutter of a hummingbird’s wings, in a baby laughing or crying, a dog’s sadness and joy. There’s spirit in the act of eating, thinking, reading, cooking, painting, sculpture, poetic inspiration, hearing or making soulful music, roller coaster riding, mountain climbing, fixing cars, blogging, thinking, gardening, etc. And there’s spirit in just plain sitting.

The problem is, our natural spirit is often damaged, or at least obscured. The various trappings of life maintenance, physical distractions, ego, desire and self-deception cause myriad malfunctions and disconnections. It’s as if the “software” to life is damaged by various “viruses”. The usual suspects are judgment, self-deception, hubris, attachment, fear and ignorance. Add to that habits of unclear thinking and living, or the misfortune of traumatic experience, and one faced a veritable minefield of obstacles to experiencing pure spirit.

A damaged self-esteem is a symptom of a damaged spirit. The spirit still exists under these circumstances, but it is obscured, as if looking at life through a cracked or soiled lens. One could argue that a cracked lens may also act like a prism, offering a unique, poetic view of life. Perhaps. Ultimately, there is no objective good or bad spirit, just balance and clarity and flow of the point of view you inherit.

Beyond the personal experience of spirit, one can begin to appreciate the bigger picture, the recognition that we are not a multitude of separate spirits, but all part of a Great Spirit. My sense of this comes from reading about a variety of spiritual traditions, including American Indian, Asian Indian, Pagan, Christian and Jewish. I have also delved into scientific writing of human biology, psychology, history and culture.

All spiritual traditions refer to something which encompasses All. I prefer to call it Great Spirit because, I believe, it is an extension of our own individual spirits. With greater awareness, we begin to know that we are a part of something much larger than ourselves. We can sense and fathom the Great Spirit, a connection between all. We also know that we came from and will go back to the Great Spirit. So, we are from it and of it. Scientifically, the atoms are barely differentiated between earth, life and sky.

I propose, we are also the Great Spirit’s sense of itself, its consciousness. I don’t give this Spirit a sex or a personality. It is best described by science, which continues to reveal the magnificent complexity of the Great Spirit, as if It is getting to know Itself through us. Looking at it this way, our lives are precious purveyors of a grand consciousness, and we have good reason to nurture and respect our “voice” of the Great Spirit.

What I am searching for in life is a connection and balance of Spirit on all levels, a refinement of my experience of life down to its essence, without attachment, fear, or judgment. The ultimate goal is to break the illusion of separateness from the Great Spirit. This is easier said than done. We are often distracted or unbalanced by daily life so as not to have a strong connection to the natural Spirit of our living.

I recently saw a bumper sticker which said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience”. I love that. It makes me feel more human, more forgiving, to think of it that way.

So, Spirit is a flow of direct experience of your life in all its facets, all its poetic serendipity, good and bad. The goal of a “spiritual person” is to embrace Spirit in a focused and refined way, with a fearless directness of experience, a depth of awareness, a greater consciousness of our connection with all life through that Spirit.

It’s a poetic coming together of awareness and experience. Ideally, with a healthy Spirit, one may achieve a perfect balance of open consciousness, heart filled intention and good action.

It’s like being inside Beethoven’s music, except the music is your life.

PS After writing this, I found an article which states some of these same ideas, though in much more obscure language. It is a Theosophical view, written in 1966, and is included in a Theosophical website called WisdomWorld.

Being and Ideas: Living from the Inside Out.

Long, Wide, Mountains and MindThe problem with modern existence in a corporate, capitalist world is that we are bombarded with concepts, ideas and products to fill our every desire, and which, in turn, create products of us and our lives. We have little chance to simply be. We eat, sleep, exercise, work and play under the explicit influence of the “best” way to do all these things.

A counselor once told me I needed a T shirt which says, ” The Should man…” to remind me what not to do. She meant that I live in a flood of “shoulds”. I should work, exercise, eat well, have fun, call friends…Yes, I even make work out of fun things. I felt like a puppet dragged about by strings of goals, ideas, concepts, lists. I existed only in terms of what I accomplished, driven by deadlines.

I used to have a list of “to do” things pulling me forward first thing in the morning. Now I stay present in my body and awareness as I decide and intend what I will do. In the first case, I am not in control. In the second, I am.
Continue reading

To Give is to Create

Fern out of RockGiving love, attention and compassion to others; these actions are not the overflow of attentions to our selves, not the excess pennies or diamonds from our pockets. They are instead creations from the cold stuff of the universe, butterfles emerging, wet and new, transformed from crusty cocoons. Giving and loving is the creation of positive energy, healing not only others, but ourselves, nourishing the greater Self.

My Summer of Healing

lotus in the drivewayThis has been a great summer for me. A violinist friend, Orbella, has been staying with me 4 days a week. She plays part time with my orchestra here in Columbus. She has quickly become a very good friend. We joke that we are the happiest unmarried couple alive. If only I were straight…

Orbella, whom I dubbed “the Orb”, has allowed me to laugh my way back into a comfortable happiness. She has given me the confidence to know the respect that my 46 year old presence commands, to know the value of my questioning depth. She has showed me many things which I hadn’t experienced in years, a kind of exuberant, European sophistication. Her spirit is healthy, rich, subtle and yet very similar to mine, but younger. We are much alike. So we have learned from each other who we are capable of being. We are soul mates.

Since we both wear Chanel colognes/perfumes, we call ourselves the Chanel Twins. Watch out, here we come!

The other thing which has changed my life is the Alexander Technique. Here is that story.

For much of my life I’ve existed in a kind of abstract physical denial. I live in a world of thought and ideas and emotional reactions, barely present physically. I was always worried about the future of the past, anxious about my playing, uncomfortable with my instrument, never able to relax and just be. I was also mistrusting of everyone, including good friends. I never felt comfortable practicing clarinet where anyone could hear me, for fear of being judged, or some other neurosis. I think that being sick for so long in the 90’s, then being depressed, added to this problem. I would basically go through the day filled with anxiety, fear, inhibition, expectation, judgment and unbalance. Exercise helped. Meditation helped for awhile. Self-examination, which would seem to help, actually aggravated the situation.

I developed pain down my left neck side and behind my shoulder blade. It got worse with yoga and weightlifting. I finally resorted to chiropractic and massage therapy. I had heard of Alexander being good for musicians, but had never felt the need to explore it. It happened there was a teacher in the building right next to the chiropractor.

I went to my first lesson and was blown away at the good energy coming from the teacher. She showed me, with my own body, how it felt to have space and freedom in all movement. She suggested I stop playing with my legs closed and the clarinet sitting on my lap, since it closed a major flow of energy. For the next week, I floated as a lotus does above the water, barely aware of the drowning prison I had endured for years.

I went to another teacher, who came at the same technique more intellectually. He outlined the method:

Most of us react to stress unconsciously, and the body goes into “startle position”, head and neck pulled back and down. This position becomes a constant habit, and as a result, the rest of our body is never able to flow and becomes unbalanced and unhealthy.

The solution is to learn the body’s language and learn to consciously control it.

1) primary control, or primary flow- releasing the neck forward and up, where it is free from tension and free to flow with the body following.

2) global awareness- being aware of your 3 dimensional surroundings, your body in space.

3) kinesthetic awareness- being aware of the body “from the inside” as opposed to from the mind.

4)Part of this process is “body mapping”, learning what feeling in the body connects to what parts, and separating fact from fiction as to how things work.

5) inhibition- a positive way of “thinking before acting”; in other words, acting very consciously.

As with most people, I was acting and living unconsciously. And my unconscious habits were atrocious. My emotions were so doubting and anxious that my body felt the same. My breathing was forced, artificial and tight. My neck was constantly in the “startle position”, pulled in and back. My back was tense. My abdomen was tense, more so because of all my surgeries and the resulting scar tissue.

Some of the problems, such as the pain in my neck, will take years to solve. (Part of the reason I don’t blog much is that I had head and eye strain from sitting in front of the computer. Hopefully this will improve with better usage) But I’ve found that the body awareness I’ve learned has also helped me emotionally. My constant anxiety and fear were deeply held within my body. I had become an expert at looking relaxed on the outside, but was usually anxious on the inside.

This brings me back to the way I’ve lived my life, or at least how I’ve lived the past 12 years, but perhaps much longer: in a kind of abstract world of ideas and fantasy and emotional reactions, without ever listening to my body’s language.

I’ve learned that being in my body is a way of staying grounded. I am naturally full of imagination and millions of thoughts and observations, chunks of worlds, seeing through people, giddy with possibility, or slumped with emotional and physical stupor from self-doubt. My body was dragged around behind all those wild emotions. Now that I have “primary control” (at least learning it) I can stay grounded, while my mind is free to explore all kinds of stuff without me losing who I am.

My physical existence is also incredibly important to playing the clarinet. Now that I know better how to breathe, support, stay loose under pressure…I can play more freely, finding the path of least resistance to being a better player.

As you can see, I’ve been busy, in very good way.

I’m off on my summer travels now. For the next few weeks, until August 18th, I’ll be: hiking in the Adirondacks (the BEST healing for me), visiting Father in Cape Cod, visiting Mother in Bethesda, and attending the International Clarinet Festival in Atlanta for a few days.

Thanks for stopping by. I’ll be back soon for more explorations of of Garnet-David’s existence.

The Physicality of Spirit

I was riding one of those advanced elliptical running machines at the gym yesterday when it dawned on me. As I strove find perfect balance within the complicated motions of the exercise, at one point I found the right rhythm and released into it and suddenly it became effortless. All parts of my body were working as a whole. My body felt like a gyroscope, one of those toys I loved as a child because it appeared to magically defy gravity. I was spinning in space, completely present physically. My mind was present and free within my body. Both body and mind were thinking, “Wow, this feels cool!”.

Gyroscope balanced on wine glassOur bodies are more naturally in the present than our minds by a long shot. All the sense organs are part of the body. We see more than we can register, but we hardly ever see without filtering and judging. The same goes with hearing. As we all know, smell is one of the most powerful senses, connecting directly with the deepest part of the brain. Our sense of touch is available from every inch of skin encasing us. Yet we register only the information from these senses when it suits us, serves us, or annoys us.

There is another sense, which Alexander called “kinesthetic” sense. It’s the feeling the body has of itself in space, especially as it moves. As mental animals, we are barely aware of ourselves kinesthetically. As you read this, notice your body. Feel your body in the chair. Feel the room with your body. (not your mind) There’s a lot of information there, but we don’t notice it most of the time, since we are thinking about what we’re doing, thinking about what we’re going to do, what we did yesterday, why we’re not happy, what would make us happier, and on and on. Rarely are we ever really present, in our bodies.

We are barely aware of the depth of sensing our bodies are capable of. We have tuned out for so long we have lost the synapses, the sensitivity to our physical presence. Meditation is a practice which allows us to begin to be present. But we can also learn to be aware all the time. I like to take walks as a meditation. I enjoy and notice the flow of my body as I walk. I notice my breathing and allow it to deepen. I allow my head to float up and forward, releasing and almost lifting my body up a bit, making movement freer. I notice the smells, sounds, sights and touches of the scenery as I pass within it. Yes, we are within our surroundings, part of it. It’s different than just noticing with the mind. It allows the body to sense its own weight and thickness within gravity, air, sounds, sights, smells.

The body is the gyroscope of the spirit. It is the instrument which senses and measures the universe. When balanced, it notices subtle changes in surrounding energy which the mind often fails to register. When poised and relaxed, the body can feel the great, deep humming of the divine, the infinite. As it becomes more tuned to the divine, the body hums sympathetically with the universal spirit, living lightly and effortlessly.