Sexy Straight Men

Straight men need to learn to relax and enjoy being thought sexy by other men. They need to open up to a very healing energy. Both parties benefit.

I really don’t see why most American straight men get so uptight when complimented on their sexiness by gay men. If I smile at a good looking man on the street, it’s a gift to him, whether he’s gay or straight. Unfortunately, most men will interpret a smile as a sexual advance, and head it off by looking away or frowning, or worse.

In Europe it’s not so bad. Most men there are more confident in their sexual skins and are not threatened by a look or a smile of all things. Any sexual tension which arises from the impossibility of returning that attraction is defused by simple acceptance. If the situation escalates, a man only has to say, “Thanks, I’m not interested.” Done with a flattered smile, it’s a harmless way to sever the misunderstanding. Most men would quickly move on. It happens all the time between straight folks.

If I think someone is sexy, and show it in my eyes, or perhaps by glancing at their body, they see it as a threat. It’s taken as an invasion of their personal space, a sexual advance. What if those same men were to just enjoy the advantage the attention gives them? What if they just soaked it up and basked in it? I think everyone wins. I’m given an affirmation, an acknowledgment of the beauty that I see in someone else, and the other man reaps positive energy from my attention.

I would never, for example, frown at or fear the attraction of a woman to me. I’m delighted for the attention. Bring it on. Tell me more!

Faced with the praise of attraction from another man, most men should be truly flattered. After all, gay men usually have pretty good taste in men!

Clear Conscience

In a funny and preceptive (and provocative) NYT editorial last week called “Penguin Family Values”, the writer quotes a few lines from the poem “In Praise of Feeling Bad About Yourself”, by Wislawa Szymborska.

A jackal doesn’t understand remorse.
Lions and lice don’t waver in their course.
Why should they, when they know they’re right?

On this third planet of the sun,
among the signs of bestiality
A clear conscience is Number One.

Ouch! What a sharp blade and steady aim! Can we clone these guys? Make a few million and infiltrate them throughout the media industry? Ann Coultier, may I serve you a helping of guilt to nourish your starving soul?

Responsibility As Citizens

Ubuntu means shared humanity, knowing we are all connected in the world.

In some ways, we are all responsible for 9/11, for the war on Iraq, for the failed dikes and appalling response to the crisis in the South, for our country’s pitiful world image. We are still a democracy, though tattered. If our voices are not heard, we are not shouting loud enough. I know I didn’t shout loud enough during the last election. No one has found a better political system than the United States. Let’s turn up the heat and boil off the poison.

We are all looters. We loot the world, quietly rape the planet, then tell everyone to leave us alone. As a country we are deluded in thinking this can continue any longer. We smile and say we are doing our best. Would you give up your roomy house and car tomorrow if everybody in the world could be fed and housed? I know I wouldn’t. Not without a fight.

That’s the fight we’re in. A fight inside each of us. Personal responsibility for the future. There’s so much blame going on right now. Why don’t we point that critical telescope at ourselves? Ask yourself difficult questions. What is the planet worth? What sacrifice will you make toward preserving what we are now destroying faster than it can heal? What are you doing to make poverty history? What did you do toward any of these ideal ends today? Think big, act in small ways.

OK, enough of this lumbering stump of a post, I’d like to add some quotes from a rich, edgy post by Jessamyn over at at Theriomorph. These ideas stir the pot, get you thinking. Dense stuff.

Trying to summarize the complicated, serpentine issue of blame and its twisted misuse:

Some of us – those who still have the luxury – just can’t deal with the sickening horror of the idea that perhaps we do not have full control over our experience, so we defend the notion that we do by blaming others who experience, or admit, powerlessness.

And she finds this hypocracy hiding everywhere:

It’s even in our syntax.

“Mistakes were made.” What mistakes? By whom? Presto: one neato passive construction and both consequence and responsibility are neatly evaded.

“A woman got raped.” By whom? A phantom? She GOT raped? Like, got herself raped? Where is the rapist in the sentence? Nowhere. We don’t say “A man raped a woman.”[…]

These are not linguistic coincidences. These are reflections of our values in our language that allow us to retain privilege, distance from responsibility, strip the powerless of their humanity so we don’t have to identify with them, or blame them for what happened to them so we don’t have to concede it could also happen to us.

In summary, after a firey review of other socially presumptuous language, we are presented with:

The inequities of this society are ubiquitous. That doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible for them. And magical thinking and blaming the victim, while a comfortable habit of generations and generations, has yet to effect change.

She ends with a wake up slap.

And aggression almost always begins in our words.

Worthy reading if you care to pop over there.

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Lemmings

I keep asking myself why so many good citizens in this country are so blind to the perfidious and pompous behavior of the current administration. I keep coming up with the word “brainwashed”. The emperor has no clothes. Long live the emperor.

A few days ago Liz over at Letting Me Be… posted a really thought provoking entry about Social Conformity. She describes the Asch study, a simple but disturbing proof of social conformity. The comments poured in, all with good points. One commenter, Melly from All Kinds of Writing recalled using the same test to demonstrate the nature Nazi behavior, because invariably the most often asked question was, “how come nobody stood up for the truth”.

We are certainly not as much of a lemming society as Germany is, or at least was, but we do need to face the insidious propaganda slime creeping into many of our institutions. Truth and Facts no longer have meaning. I think the tide is beginning to turn, though. I know this is old news, but Paul Hackett’s near win in Cincinnati’s 2nd congressional district proved to some of the brainwashed ones are waking up. Thank God, which ever one you prefer to thank.

More on the Camping Trip

Camping among “family”. I liked how new friends and neighbors were literally a stones throw away. I could hang out at my tent, even with folks milling about on either side, and read quietly alone. Or I could just walk a few feet and sit with a friend and chat, or join a little party next door, without having to drive. Or I could site hop and serial visit with lots of folks. Nice. That feeling of spontaneity is so sweet. Here, my closest friend is a mile and a half, not far, but far enough to feel it’s best to call before I stop by. Car culture, ironically, secludes us.