As I checked out at the grocery store the other day I was my normal silent self. The clerk was polite and cheerful, as most of them are. Though with most you can tell they’ve been trained to play the polite pre-recorded message fed to them by the employee training course. “Would you like paper or plastic?” or “Have a nice day”. And I usually respond with the same “fill in the blank” response. But this time was different. Continue reading
Category Archives: Social Culture
Cresting my Mind
Cresting my Mind. Yes, that could mean brushing as well as riding my mind. I’ve been doing a bit of both. But too much flouride can also kill you, and so can a big wave. No wonder I’ve been feeling a bit woozy. OK, you’re thinking, “what on earth is he talking about?” Well, I’m peaking in the rush that comes from spending many, many hours messing around with all this BLOG stuff. “Wha?” (go ahead try the link!) It’s endless! And infinite! It entices me. Continue reading
Compulsive Behavior
The insidious thing about compulsive behavior is that it seems so innocent when it’s happening. It presents itself in such a non-threatening way. It says, or you say to yourself, “I’ll just do this one little thing, and then stop”. But the catch is, you repeat that little innocent step indefinately.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been neglecting many important aspects of my life, like proper eating, exercise, practicing the clarinet (my vocation), yoga, meditation, etc. All because I kept saying “just this one thing”. Well, guess what I was doing compulsively? Setting up this site. Why? Who knows? It certainly lures me as new window through which to view the world and connect with it. It seems so easy to set up in the instructions before you install. I certainly did the research before attempting to download and install. But it made little difference. The process is fraught with detailed pitfalls, which simply take hours to fix.
At one point, I was having conversations with myself online in the help forums of Word Press, the software engine I use here. When a problem seemed insurmountable, I’d post a cry for help. Then ten minutes later, I’d solve a part of the problem, post that, then post another cry. Each time I was about to give up, I’d inch closer. Help!
And the little voice in my head just kept saying, “just a little more, you’re almost there”.
Now, three days later, the voice is stronger than ever. The sensible part of me just cowers, thinking, “he’ll stop soon.”.
Even after setting things up to my liking, there are always little details of the layout or navigation I want to fix. It’s like decorating a room. You want the color juuuuust right, and the furniture laid out in the most accesible way. For most people, this is done over time. Not me. I have been known to touch up the paint in a room while still wearing my white tie and tails right after returning home from a performance.
Anyway, I hope you check back regularly to see what compulsive poetry or other stuff I put on here. And you are welcome to post comments. Just click on the pale “comment” listing under the post. I’d like to hear that you are enjoying what I’ve done. After all, I only do it for “you”. (fluttering of lashes)
Comfort of Friends
During my childhood my family moved every two or three years to another city. My father worked for the US Foreign Service Diplomatic Corps, and we were transfered regularly. I learned not to put down deep roots.
As an adult, I wonder how much this affected me. In some ways, I’ve always been a loner. I’m a musician, and our best work is done alone in the practice room. I’ve never been a team player, but I think that’s just the way I am.
Where do the causes stop and the effects begin? Maybe my rootlessness gave me an advantage. Perhaps I was able to step outside of a situation and see that change is not so threatening. After all, my security was intact. I always had my family with me.
As I gracefully enter the prime of life at age 45, I begin to realize that my physical rootlessness may have laid the foundation for seeking deeper friendships. I am very faithful, and will exert great effort to keep in touch with long lost friends. Usually I’m the one who is let down. I am slow to form deep relationships, and I admit I have issues with intimacy. But once I decide there’s value in a person, they almost never get written off by me. Sometimes I even suffer from stress caused by “managing” too many friendships.
My life is entering a stage where my roots are beginning to deepen. I have been in the same house for 16 years, the longest time in one place. And I have remodeled the entire place to my liking. Yet if I had to move tomorrow, I think I would manage. I feel most at home when sharing the company of friends. That is the only home I need.