Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Light in September

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There’s are times when I feel an almost mystical message from certain scenes in nature.

Like right now, outside my window, a beam of late sun leans flat on the garden, a bright stripe sliced across the middle of the darkness, lifting textures into patterns, sparkly noises of light coming from the plants in it’s path. As the sun lifts the light in it’s decent into shadow, the message changes, a narrative, a mapping of this particular scene, this denouement, cascading code, only breakable as it happens.

And Agassi knows the code, Federer too. As it happens, a match unfolds, a flower of intension, genes, opportunity, nature, mood, crowd (rooting for Agassi).

Federer is so cocky, with good reason. (beautiful too) That makes Agassi the hero, also an advantage. Federer knows that too. Neither can hide. The goal is pure. (and lucrative, as a gold standard should be).

Almost pure will. Especially Agassi. Mystical.

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Being Yourself

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“We can always be more, we just can’t be everything.”
Spicey Cauldron

Being ones “self” is such a slippery journey. I am often waylaid by my fears, doubts, incorrect self perceptions and presumptions, confusing feedback from a conformist society, and just plain laziness. It’s easier to just stay the path. Don’t rock your own boat, for goodness sake. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. We’re pulled in so many directions, by the expectations of our friends and family. And they each have their own blind spots, and so cannot be “objective”.

And trust is so fragile. How often have you thought you trusted someone and they disappoint you in the end. Especially when it’s family who betrays you.

I have been fairly lucky in having trustworthy family and friends. I consider myself trustworthy, but I’m sure I’ve disappointed those close to me. Perhaps some would consider that a sort of betrayal.

Last night I spent some quality time with Joe. We cuddled and talked, which is conducive to peeling away layers. I was as loquacious as ever, even more than usual. I talked and talked. He is able to follow and absorb a huge amount of information from me. How lucky I am to have such an ideal sounding board, an ultimate other. I was able to open up and voice things even I didn’t know I was thinking. Or, more clearly, I felt those things, but was barely aware of them without having articulated them.

Lemmings

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I keep asking myself why so many good citizens in this country are so blind to the perfidious and pompous behavior of the current administration. I keep coming up with the word “brainwashed”. The emperor has no clothes. Long live the emperor.

A few days ago Liz over at Letting Me Be… posted a really thought provoking entry about Social Conformity. She describes the Asch study, a simple but disturbing proof of social conformity. The comments poured in, all with good points. One commenter, Melly from All Kinds of Writing recalled using the same test to demonstrate the nature Nazi behavior, because invariably the most often asked question was, “how come nobody stood up for the truth”.

We are certainly not as much of a lemming society as Germany is, or at least was, but we do need to face the insidious propaganda slime creeping into many of our institutions. Truth and Facts no longer have meaning. I think the tide is beginning to turn, though. I know this is old news, but Paul Hackett’s near win in Cincinnati’s 2nd congressional district proved to some of the brainwashed ones are waking up. Thank God, which ever one you prefer to thank.

Last Days of Summer

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OK, it’s not over yet, but it’s evaporating. It will be over, kaput, over a period of the next 4 weeks. I love juicing the nostalgic high of “Oh, today’s the last day of Summer… ” for all it’s worth. The drooping plants awaiting the last burst of growth (yes, most plants grow quite a bit in late Summer/Fall), the crickets wailing before their long diminuendo, the air, sturdy by day, now becomes fickle with chill at night. I relish these days more than the squandered mid-summer weeks, where days skulk past while we revel in uncaged exuberance. I feel a poignant mix of emotions, glad for the relief from heat, sad for the holes through which so much joyous time slipped.

This is one of my favorite seasons. call it Flummer or Sall, wistful at loss, pregnant with expectation. Yet this year, I also feel a hollowness, a weight, of real (unnecessary) loss in the ravaged South, of real fear at the way the world is pointed. It’s a pit in my stomach which won’t go away. Won’t go away.

Let

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Cat Asleep on Rug

Ineffable Present
careening, seething,
(gelatinous collision of
past and future)
Universe breathing.

Mute Mother
(whispering) (yes),
perilous fusion
resonating us.
There is no choice
but to give in
to terrifying

Bliss (consciousness).

Honor the seed, the flower,
the book, the hour
(and the subtle, singing space between)
Forgive as you go.
Let rest
all this.

This is another “everything” poem. I seem to yearn for the big picture, wouldn’t you say? Anyway, I’ll be away a few weeks, driving East in my new (’01) Volvo S60 T5, floating along the highway with Mahler or Sedaris or Steve Reich blasting. I’ll hike in the Adirondacks, then see a friend’s family in Vermont, then visit my father on the Cape, then attend and play at my second cousins wedding, then visit with my mother a week, then back here. Let’s just hope I really like my car after nearly 2000 miles in two weeks!