Category Archives: Balanced Living

What is Flow?

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Flowing Water…to issue or move in a stream, CIRCULATE: to move with a continual change of place among the constituent particles.

There is also a psychological state of Flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi defines Flow as the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing, characterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.

After a year of learning about the Alexander Technique, which is a method of proper use of the body, I believe the concept of “flow” is also applicable to the body. “Proper” posture is not a position to be held statically, but a flow of alert poise from moment to moment.

Can these concepts be joined in a gestalt theme covering body, mind and spirit? I believe so.

Let’s start with the use of the body. The Alexander Technique examines body use from a natural point of view, that is, taking the animal state of poise each of us inherits and learning to apply it consciously. When actor and F. M. Alexander lost his voice repeatedly after long soliloquies, he learned from painstaking self-examination that his neck was contracting into a “startle” position, like a frightened animal, during the stress of acting performances.

Further experience demonstrated that simply relaxing the neck into its natural position wasn’t enough. He had to remain in the pilot’s seat, what he later called “primary control”, the “the central co-ordinating agency built into our very essence and fundament.” (from David Gorman) Mr. Gorman continues by describing how primary control originates evolutionarily from the dawn of organized species. From the slug on up, primary control directed them as it still directs us.

The part of the brain which controls this body awareness is primitive, buried deeply in the middle of the brain. Normal consciousness, with its analytical process, cannot touch it. One cannot “think” themselves into this central state of awareness. The subjective experience of this state feels like “letting into a flow”. A flow of what? That’s where is becomes more complicated. A flowing body with no where to go gets bored quickly!

I have found that as I gained balance and poise in my body, I was able to be more present mentally as well. My mind followed my body’s lead, and relaxed into the moment. My whole being now has a better chance of evolving from this gained awareness.

After reading much of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s wonderful book, Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, I believe the three parts of body/mind/spirit are really just different angles of the same structure. Just as a box cannot be a box with a side or two missing, we cannot be reduced to one part without losing the entire meaning of “a life”.

Mihaly defines flow as a state of concentrated but contented occupation, with clearly defined goals, reasonable challenges, and evidence of achievement. He interviewed thousands of people about what they feel when they are experiencing optimal enjoyment and absorption in an activity. No matter what someone is doing, from sex to sports to chess; if they are focused and directed, they are fulfilled. Having a goal is not the reason for their contentment, it is the process. Personal descriptions of this state include: transcendence, unselfconsciousness, alertness, confidence, enjoyment, satisfaction and fulfillment.

Seen from this view, the subjective feeling of our lives gains meaning and quality. People who have meaning in their lives are fulfilled. It has nothing to do with money or fame or power. Happy people are happy because they are fulfilled. Period. And those people are more loving, peaceful, forgiving and generous, all of which are symptoms of a rich spirit.

So, we started with the importance of poise and flow in the body, then explored flow for the mind, which, in turn, creates flow for the spirit. Three balanced sides completes the equation.

It may seem like a cop out to define a healthy spirit in terms of a healthy body awareness and life direction. As a person becomes grounded and connected to the world around, her ability to reach out and heal others becomes a natural inclination. As deep fulfillment grows, the more universal Self begins to supercede the personal self. If the goals are shallow and selfish, then he cannot tap into that goodness so easily.

Once again, the idea of spirituality can be defined by observable and knowable concepts. A spiritual person is one who has found balance and poise in their body, mind, goals, talents and desires. As each part comes to life, the whole being is enhanced, and their spirit grows accordingly. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Happiness is not a goal, it is the path.” Perhaps that could be rephrased as, “Happiness is not in the goal, it is in the flow”.

May your body, mind and life flow toward fulfillment and a glowing spirit.

The Cycle of Breathing

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Breath HemispheresAs I lay in bed one night, unable to sleep, I decided to watch my breath as a mediation. Not only is breathing vital to living, it holds the path to relaxation and ultimately can help us gain control over our lives. Symbolically, it represents various cycles of life: birth-death, day-night, Summer-Winter.

The delicate complexity of natural breathing is easily flummoxed by attention from the breather. It needs to be observed rather passively. It’s like looking for a star in the night sky which can only be seen by gazing slightly away from the actual object of attention.

If you wish to observe your own breathing cycle, you first need to be “in the room”, completely relaxed, present in the space you fill. Be aware of the parts of the room you cannot see, to the sides and behind you. Now you can sense the three-dimensionality of your breath from the breath and body itself, rather than from any “ideas” you read in this post. Keep your mind out of your body’s way while you observe it.

While lying in bed, I relax my awareness into the room (with eyes open). I allow my body to soften to the point I feel I am melting into the mattress. I feel heavy. My mind stops thinking, and I allow my body to do its own thing. My eyes, nose, sinuses, throat, chest and abdomen relax deeply, sinking into the bed. All my limbs follow suit. (It is possible to do this sitting in a chair or standing, but it’s harder to allow the body to relax as deeply.)

I take a huge breath and sigh out. Near the end of this exhale, the breath seems to stop for a few seconds. It does not, in fact, stop. The breath naturally lingers at its end. The exhale slows dramatically, but continues almost imperceptibly for a number of seconds. So there is no “end” of the breath, really. It just slows to a dead calm as the body prepares for the next inhalation. Be gently aware of this beautiful sighing diminuendo and enjoy it. Let it linger as long as it needs to build the energy for the next inhalation. It may be surprisingly long, anywhere from one or two seconds to 20 seconds or more, depending on how relaxed you are and how deeply you are breathing.

Before the inhalation begins, there is a desire, a warm yearning behind the heart. This “need” is a wonderful, deep and satisfying feeling, especially just before the inhalation beings. It’s impending fulfillment gives it a glowing anticipation. As this need begins to fulfill itself, the breath will appear to fill from the inside out, as if by itself. The reason for this feeling is that the body and mind are not interfering with the process. The muscles are working naturally. When this happened to me, I felt giddy, as if witnessing some rare, shy bird emerge from hiding within a tree.

The breath will fill effortlessly. Give in to it. Relax into it. This is tricky during observation. Depending on how relaxed and calm you are, the back will expand and fill along with the stomach and pelvis. The breath will fill under the arms and up into the tops of the shoulders. Remember to “let” this happen, don’t interfere. It’s amazing how much the body can expand and open to accommodate a full, deep breath. You may notice the neck and spine “gathering”, shortening. If lying on a bed, your head will slide down the pillow as the body expands.

Remember, don’t “make” anything happen. Just notice. Keep the attention in the room as this miraculous process of breathing happens. Keep the chattering, possessing mind from scaring the shy bird away. If it does interfere, that’s OK. There are more breaths to come. Look forward, not back. This is a wonderful process. Enjoy it. There’s plenty of air to go around, at least for awhile longer.

Now we are at the top of the breath. The inhalation can take anywhere from 2 to 15 seconds. As with the out breath, it will slow as the lungs fill. What happens now?

The turn from inhale to exhale is subtle. It is merely a change of angle, not backtracking the path of inhalation. Again, the breath never stops, anytime. It moves in a circle, or perhaps a wave. Try not to hold the breath at the top. I think of this part of the breath as being at the top of a slow motion roller coaster ride. There’s a moment where you feel weightless. It’s fleeting but unmistakable. The greatest “lift” is right after the top. So it is with the breath. There will be a floating sensation at the curve from inhale toward exhale, and before you know it, you are deflating. Here again, the feeling will come from behind the heart, as if the air is just disappearing from inside you. There is no pushing, no effort.

As you ride the breath down again to the bottom curve, your may notice your body elongating as it closes into the next cycle. This is natural and normal. The speed of exhale will slow gradually as the lungs empty. We are again at the bottom of the breath, the sweet diminuendo before the next cycle turns.

There is no beginning, no end. The breath is like a wave, or a turning wheel. Learning to be aware of something so intrinsic to who we are can engender a calm attitude and deep satisfaction. From there we can direct ourselves almost anywhere.

May you Breathe Deeply and Live Deeply.

Balance, Balance, Balance

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Lovers Mouths Laughing
There’s really only one rule in life: balance. Think of the common image indicating Taoist thought, a circle with joined black and white “tadpoles” chasing each other. The whole is made of balanced opposites. Unbalance in one part affects the whole, no exceptions.

The past few months I’ve been tipping slowly off balance toward a slippery slope: addiction. Sexual addiction, in this case. I’ve always liked to play with fire. I knew what I was doing, but lost perspective in the heat of attraction. Lots of movies and operas feature this theme.

Sensual chemistry between two people creates a mystical bond which seems to blur the boundaries we all feel between ourselves and the world. We base our lives on protecting our bodies as separate from the world, feeding them, making them stronger, and finding pleasure with them. Civilization is based on these patterns of self protection. Rarely do we break free of this illusion of separateness, of “me” finding the way in a hard world, “fitting in”. To truly understand that we are not separate takes patience, forgiveness, self-understanding, letting go and proper knowledge of the truth.

One of the tools to learn this truth is love. Love brings us out of our shell and into the world. Caring for others and for life outside “ourselves” is the first step on the path to enlightenment. But sensual “love” is just as valid as a key to transformation, if more rare and dangerous. I felt physical magic, “Kama Sutra” love, for the partner in my affair. (I am reminded of Marvin Gaye’s song, Sexual Healing) But our lives had nothing else in common. So that’s all we did: too much of a wonderful thing. So much for balance.

From the inside, the healing pleasure of sensual love seemed to balance the risks. But my life became lopsided to maintain the amazing sensual stimulations I experienced. Using the image of riding a bicycle for balance, I was leaning to one side, not enough to fall over, but enough to spin in smaller and smaller circles. Being dizzy never felt so good! The funny thing about sex is that it’s natural. Such an ancient and primal drug is easy to justify with fuzzy logic. I forged ahead with my beautiful experiment.

Unfortunately, as much as I like to deny it, being a musician is more than a full time job. It’s a whole life style, a way of living, like being a monk. We are hothouse tomatoes. We are married to our instruments. Balance is crucial. My musical abilities flourished at first on the “affair”, stimulated by my flushed and vibrant mental and physical state. Little by little, however, concentration and composure at work slipped. The foundation of a delicate artistic state was eroding. But I couldn’t see the signs. Or didn’t want to.

In the end, some friends noticed my subtle decline. But this wasn’t enough to stop me. I’ve always been stubborn and independent. I tend to do things at a thousand miles an hour until I peter out or hit a wall. (gardening and blogging are other obsessions of mine) I was confident I could balance both worlds. It finally took a fluke, some food poisoning, to snap me out my my reverie life. (never eat salads at cheap restaurants) I got horribly sick for 24 hours, and had plenty of time to reflect on my ultimately foolish behavior. My career is the most precious gift I have, by far. Jeopardizing that for the continuing ecstasy of certain sensual pleasures would have been suicide.

Ultimately, I have no regrets. I am fortunate to have fate on my side, and a handful of forgiving friends who love me no matter what! My life is richer for having had the experience. I appreciate what I do have all the more. I am now more ready than ever to face my middle age (I’m 47) with grace and balance.

At least until the NASA Space Shuttle has an opening for a trip to the moon!

Art and Life: Living Fully

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Many personal growth sites on the Internet offer lots of advice on how to live better, be richer, be more successful. But few suggest habits and attitudes which enhance the personal, subjective quality of living, the sweetness of moment to moment existence.

For that I suggest taking time from a life of achieving great things to enjoying great things. Listen to arias from the best operas to learn how beautiful tragedy, love and death can sound.

I remember Tom Hanks’ character from the movie Philadelphia playing a recording of Maria Callas singing “La Mama Morta” from Andrea Chenier’s “Giordano”.

This is how the aria is described in the movie. “This is my favorite aria. This is Maria Callas. This is “Andrea Chenier”, Umberto Giordano. This is Madeleine. She’s saying how during the French Revolution, a mob set fire to her house, and her mother died… saving her. “Look, the place that cradled me is burning.” Can you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it, Joe? In come the strings, and it changes everything. The music fills with a hope, and that’ll change again. Listen… listen…”I bring sorrow to those who love me.” Oh, that single cello! “It was during this sorrow that love came to me.” A voice filled with harmony. It says, “Live still, I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. Is everything around you just the blood and mud? I am divine. I am oblivion. I am the god… that comes down from the heavens, and makes of the Earth a heaven. I am love!… I am love.”

I cried along with everyone else in the theater when I saw this scene. I had not heard of the aria before. That scene made the movie, which was otherwise just a good movie about the politics of AIDS.

I like crying at movies, operas, plays. I feel cleansed. No self-help advice can do that for me.

Art is not entertainment, as many people mistakenly think. It’s meant to challenge our comfort zone, push us where we don’t normally go. Life is not just a problem to be solved. It is a lesson to be experienced, never completely learned.

Take time to learn from art, music and poetry. Art goes beyond just living well. It shows us how to live richly and fully.

Seeing Problems in Terms of Solutions

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Five Point Turn

John Lennon once said, “There are no problems. Only solutions.” I repeated this to a friend and she looked at me like it didn’t make sense.

Of course there are problems. But Lennon implied we should approach problems in terms of what we can do about them. It’s a practical approach. If you can’t do anything about it, there’s not much sense in worrying.

When a problem arises which you can do something about, instead of lamenting it, dreading it, hating it, or worrying about it, ask yourself, “What can I do to change or correct it?”. It’s much simpler, and takes less energy.

Let’s say you get a late notice for a bill which you just forgot to pay. OK, you messed up. It’s a bummer. Yes, you’ll lose some money on the late fee. Now, what’s the solution? First, pay it. Second, make sure you don’t do it again. And don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s unproductive and, more importantly, it ruins the quality of your life right now. If you are in a funk for having messed up, that’s laying problems on problems. Then you’re in a funk all the time. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Then there’s those of us who live to avoid messing up. My sister monitors every detail, every penny of her financial life, and she stresses majorly when the slightest thing goes wrong. It becomes the topic of the day. Forget noticing beautiful weather or smelling the roses. Nope, that problem is going to ruin the day, gosh darn it!

Just a few days ago, Will of ThinkBuddha posted a quote by Wittgenstein from his Tractatus which sounded similar to Lennon’s. “The solution of the problem of life is seen in the vanishing of the problem.”

So, give yourself a “problem labotomy” and just do solutions!