A thought provoking blog.

David Depape has a blog he cleverly calls “God is Love“. I’m sure he intends those words’ various echoes of meaning, from completely ironic to absolutely and literally true.

His voice is as subtle and complex as the title. He is neither religious nor atheist. The hypocrisies of organized religion get no mercy from him, but nor do rabid atheists. Somehow he finds inspiration in the ambiguous truth of neither/nor.

Take his post, The Religion of Science.

Religion is a form of stagnant science. Christianity is based on science. The priests were the scholars and scientists or their day. They observed the world and came up with a theory of existence based upon what they could observe. They didn’t know about atoms, cells and the quantum level. They came up with the best theory they could with what little they knew. Religion is science that got stuck on proving old theories. Now atheism is doing the same. Atheism is stuck on proving a point and it’s clinging to theories that are becoming antiquated in the face of new discoveries.
Instead of admitting what we know and admitting what we don’t know and moving forward from there.

I think you’ll find his views as refreshing as I did.

Living New News

I’ll be away for a few weeks until the end of August. My trip will take me camping in an old growth forest in Clear Creek State Park in Western Pennsylvania. Then I’ll attend two concerts at the Marlboro Music Festival, an elite chamber music gathering in Vermont. I may head North from there to hike in the Adirondacks, perhaps tackling one of the 46 Peaks called Giant Mountain. After that, 5 days on Cape Cod with will relieve my ocean cravings. Heading down to DC, I’ll stop in Philadelphia for a night to see a friend. After a week at “home” with Mom I’ll be fattened up and ready to come back to good ‘ole Ohio.

Dragon FlyI don’t think I’ll return this year to the area in the Adirondacks I found last year called Thirteenth Lake Siamese Ponds Wilderness Conservation Area. I just had a funny feeling about trying to repeat last Summer’s experience. Right behind Thirteenth Lake I did a solo climb past beaver swamps and up a slippery slope to the top of Peaked Mountain, where I was greeted by friendly dragon flies, one of whom landed on my solar plexus just as I was about to leave. Something about the experience made me feel at home, as if I was meant to be in that area. The quiet lake is stocked for fishing; there’s a nearby river for trout fishing and kayaking or rafting, and there’s lots of good hiking within a few hours away. There are several remote primitive camping sites around the lake. A few days ago I was doing some searches for that area and found a nice little 3 acre piece of land for sale right next to the Wildlife Conserve and Thirteenth Lake. I’ll wait a year and see if I still yearn to return there.

See you in September.

I’ll be checking in with the blog regularly.

A Lesson in Fear, Anger and Freedom

FearThe other day on my walk to the park, I was almost run over by a man in a large pickup truck. It was a nice, shiny red Ford or some muscular American brand, the kind you see in ads pulling a house or 18 wheeler, like that’s what you need it for. The man in it…well, I’ll let my description of the truck speak for itself.

The road is as residential as it gets, of no use to anyone but those who live nearby. There are no sidewalks in our neighborhood, which is a mixed blessing. Everyone who drives through (or almost everyone) knows pedestrians use the road, so they slow down. But unfortunately some drivers consider pedestrians to be a hazard to their vehicles and would rather they just get the hell out of the way, so they can get on with their busy day!

As I reached the middle of the intersection, I noticed the large, red truck coming from my right. So I started to trot to get out of his way. Instead of slowing or going around me, he stayed his course and drove in front of me, barely missing me as I moved in the direction of his path. He actually swerved a bit to his right to make sure he made his point to drive in front of me. Needless to say I was alarmed, frightened and then very angry.

Anger, RageVery, very angry. I had every right to be. He was scum for doing this to anyone. My mind raced, wondering if he treated his wife and children with such obnoxious disdain. Since I’m gay, I assumed he was homophobic. I gave him the finger, several, in fact. I shot an Uzi full of fingers at him. I noticed he turned left at the next intersection. I thought he might be turning around to confront me. My adrenaline rushed. Every cell in my body prepared for defense. I was invincible, ready for the fight. My righteous indignation and rage would cover me for any lack of power. I picked up a large rock to defend myself. My body shook, but I felt high with power!

Well, he didn’t come back. Relieved and a bit embarrassed when I realized people along the bike path might be wondering why I was carrying a head sized rock, I began to calm down. I put down the rock and continued my walk.

Right away I knew what I had to do. The words came to me as from a teacher, though the voice was mine. “By giving in to your anger, you are letting him control you, becoming like him.” I struggled with this for a few minutes before putting my rage aside. I filled my lungs with the breath I had come to know on these walks, a breath of playful introspection. I began to feel sorry for that man, but left the thought at that. The trees and river and prairie beckoned.

A half hour later on the same walk, I was surprised to find myself running like a child around a large, open field with my eyes closed. I felt as if I were flying. By closing my eyes, I was able to face the fears I had of losing control, of falling into a pit, or perhaps the fear of making a fool of myself by falling flat on my face. But by releasing my neck to float above my body, I was able to (with concentration) release the fear from myself. Then I was free to playfully navigate the slightly irregular ground.

Running BoyA feeling of free abandonment entered me, or at least my body. I began to swerve from side to side, leading with my head. My body followed. Suddenly I flashed back to being 8 or 9 years old, when I last remember being so free and “floppy”. For some reason, that period in my life held a transition from feeling free to self-conscious. I specifically remember how differently running felt before and after. I don’t know pivotal the event, if there even was one. Perhaps I just “grew up”.

Flopping as I ran through that field with eyes closed, I felt I regained some of who that child was, and that he was still alive in me. I had come a long way during that walk, from poisoned, fearful, vengeful man to free flowing, replenished child.

Whetstone Prairie Flowers

I promised a few photos of flowers from the Whetstone Prairie in Columbus, OH, and here they are, at least some for now.

Blue SpeedwellThistle flowerEvery time I walk through it, I notice yet another wildflower to add to the list. This time I found a Thistle bush, some kind of Speedwell, Aster, Blue Indian Grass and Joe Pie Weed. Some of these are not very prolific yet, but I’m sure they will spread their seed over time. I also know that volunteers are continuing to plant seedlings of unusual varieties to maintain a colorful balance. (click on the thumbnail for a larger photo on another page)

Purple Wild AlliumButterfly WeedThe educational demo garden has been in bloom since June. Back then the flowers in bloom included this Purple Allium, Butterfly Weed and Sullivant’s Milkweed.

Sullivant’s Milkweed with BeeSullivant’s Milkweed, flower detailThe Sullivant’s Milkweed was covered with bees. The plant is about 3 feet tall with large oval leaves. The individual flowers, about a quarter inch across and held in clusters of dozens, look like Jetsons spaceships.

Hummingbird Moth by Sullivant’s Milkweed FlowerAs I took photos of them, another insect swooped in and floated by each flower like a humming bird while it sucked the nectar from them. Apparently it’s named as it should be, a Hummingbird Moth. I had seen these in my garden but never this close. What a cool insect!!

Sullivant’s Milkweed Seedpods formingNow the Sullivant’s Milkweed has gone to seed. The fertilized flowers extend and twist down, then up. Large pods form at the ends of these snake like heads. These will bloat and stretch to 6 inches long by 2 inches wide, before bursting open to release thousands of flying seeds.

Cup Plant FlowerCup Plant Leaf filled with waterBack in June, the Cup Plants had already reached 3 or 4 feet tall. For the most part they had not started flowering. Now they are 6-8 feet tall and in full flower. However the flowers are the the most interesting part of these prairie giants. Their usefulness as a water holder for birds and insects makes these plants one of the most important of the prairie. During dry spells, their cupped leaves hold water for weeks until the next rain. And each morning, any dew collected by the leaves drips into this cup.

Dry, Cracked EarthRudbeckia fieldThis Summer has been one of the driest in recent memory. The ground is cracked and parched. Yet the flowers in the prairie are glorious. One barely notices any stress for these plants. They have evolved to grow very deep roots, often 8-10 feet deep, to withstand harsh, dry and hot Summers.

Bee Balm and ConeflowersBee Balm with a Happy beeOne of my favorite parts of the prairie is a large stand of Bee Balm, or wild Monarda, mixed with Coneflowers (Echinacia). The flower has a subtle, pale lavender color and emits a wonderful cinnamon, cedar smell.

The smells in the air change each time I walk through the field, depending on the time of day, direction of breeze and flower season. Near sunset, the air changes. If the sky is clear, cooler air falls into the center of the field, lowering the temperature there an hour before the areas around the edge, which are buffered by large trees. During this change, all the smells become denser and richer. Evening swallows emerge and swirl above the scene as the sun sets in the cradle formed by two large trees at the west end of the field.

Sunset at the Whetstone Prairie

Can Athiests be Spiritual?

ConnectionsCan atheists be spiritual? I hope that after reading further you will be able to answer this apparently oxymoronic question with a comfortable “YES”.

The problem, of course, is how you define spiritual. I know, it sounds like Clinton saying “It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is.” So why dwell on this confusing word “spirit” when we believe there is no god? Because it’s a useful term with resonances in great and wise traditions. The problem with atheism is that it tends to throw the baby out with the bath water. My intention is to freshen and balance spirit’s meaning between the wisdom of ancient intuitive thinking and current knowledge. I also like the idea of reclaiming it for modern secular use.

CounterbalanceWe often use the word spirit in secular vernacular to mean a general quality of a person’s demeanor: “He’s in poor spirits.” We all know exactly what it means. There is no need for an atheist to refute its validity. We know that something is causing that “poor spirit”. You could argue it’s the same as saying “He’s an unhappy person right now.” But what is unhappy about him? Is it his mind, his body? The word spirit fits because it describes something else, neither mind nor body alone. I propose that spirit is a relationship or connection between parts, between mind and body, between self and other. This idea can be expanded further.

Fear seems to be a primary reason people turn to religion. I have many fears. I fear failure. I fear rejection. I fear being judged wrongly by others. I fear hate from others. I fear loneliness. Believing in a god gives solace that you are never alone, that you are always loved. We all suffer from the misconception that we are separate from others and that we have to “fit in” to be accepted. So how do we deal with the issue of fear of loneliness?

Interwoven IndividualityIndividuality is the hallmark of free society. We are encouraged to be unique, new, daring, different. But something gets lost in all that separateness: our connection to each other. Think for a moment of the worst pain you have ever suffered. With a little imagination, you can picture someone else on earth suffering as much or much worse. Imagine the love you wish for, then know that someone else suffers the same need. Keeping these little awarenesses close to the heart through a day sooths the emptiness of separateness. With individualism as the pinnacle of freedom, we tend to forget these simple connections. Boundaries of thought between people create loneliness, not being alone.

Expanding connections further. I once listened to all 9 symphonies of Beethoven on day, beginning in the afternoon and continuing until late evening. As my fatigue encroached from so much listening, my mind opened up to another level. I stopped thinking about the music and started just experiencing it. That’s when Beethoven came rushing deep into my being. The last three symphonies, Nos. 7, 8 and 9, were truly spiritual experiences, poetic inspirations, moments of connection between history, culture, music, myself and my muse. Beyond a connection to something there was also a liberation from something. Boundaries became less distinct between me and the world. I felt as if I were in Beethoven’s head, hearing and writing them with all their meaning and depth and quality.

Symbolic ConnectionsSo it is with the spirit of living. It is neither yours nor something separate from you, but an interaction, a relationship between you and the world around you. It is a coaxial cable connection to the universe, a direct link to all that is and is possible.

The problem is, our natural spirit is often damaged, or at least obscured. The various trappings of life’s maintenance, cultural oppressions, poor upbringing, physical distractions, ego, desire and self-deception cause myriad malfunctions and disconnections. It’s as if the “software” to life is damaged by various “viruses”. The usual suspects are judgment, self-deception, hubris, attachment, fear and ignorance. Add to that habits of unclear thinking and living, or the misfortune of traumatic experience, and one faced a veritable minefield of obstacles to experiencing a clear spirit. Luckily, science, psychology and modern meditative self-examination are valuable tools for clarifying spirit. So are the connections experienced through art, poetry, music and the beauty of nature.

But how do we find time to do all this growing in a short life? The atheist’s sense of the finality of death is a problem. I don’t really know if I fear the end of my life. But I want to accomplish so much before then. How can we be happy if we’re always in a hurry to live a full life before we “disappear”?

Daybreak, no cloudsHere again that illusion of separateness comes into play. Thich Nhat Hahn brilliantly used the metaphor of a cloud. The fact is, a cloud does not disappear when it evaporates into humidity or falls as rain. True, the cloud as it was is gone. Its beauty or inspiration or perhaps the shade it offered from the sun is no longer. But the raw matter of the cloud still exists in a different form. So it is with us. We cease to be a living human. But our energy still exists. These observations are small comfort to those whose egos cling to a singular, separate identity. But personally, I feel good knowing that I will continue in some other form.

Most spiritual traditions refer to something which encompasses All. With growing awareness, we begin to know that we are a part of something much larger than ourselves. We can sense and fathom a connection and unity between all things. I timidly dare to call this great spirit as an extension of the individual one. Here again, a hybrid relationship of scientific humanism with intuitive spirituality can lead us forward. We know that we came from and will return to some common pool, since our matter only changes forms. So, we are from it and of it and will return to it. Scientifically, the atoms are barely differentiated between earth, life and sky. Boundaries blur further.

Tapestry of connectionsThe wisdom of Buddhism teaches that our suffering is caused by attachment to things, time and ego. Ironically, Buddhism’s ultimate goal is to break the illusion of separateness by dissolving the illusion of ego. Things, time and ego are necessary to life, but damaging to spiritual health.

Taoist thinking highlights the unity of opposites: good cannot exist without bad, self without other. Again, relationships. These empirical truths are often elusive to our clinging, categorizing natures. My intention in calling these elusive goals spiritual is to get beyond the clunkiness of analytical thinking and begin to gain a deeper sense of intuition and feelings. Our lives are empty without them.

Spirit is a poetic relationship between awareness and experience, between knowledge and intuition, identity and mystery, connection and separateness. When we embrace our spiritual gifts, our humanist natures can blossom. Who needs god for that?

Like the beautiful quilts photos dotting this article, the connections and relationships between various parts gives rise beauty and meaning.

All quilts photos from the collection The Linear Series by Carol Taylor. For further information, please go to Carol Taylor Quilts.