The Ache

Beveled blade of geese aches its cry
slices the embalmed gray sky,
down the quicksilver river,
along the clackity clack tree lined bank,
staccato notes across my eyes,
between me and the geese as they fly.
They leave me with my southern dreams,
wallowing, aching, desired wings.
I inhale the crisp, dense air and say farewell
to a year, a life, to so many seconds,
expired breaths along the frivolous exhalation of streams
over so many rocks, so many easy, tired days,
basking in sunny nonchalance, ripened fruit
which dribbles down my chin, or rots
in the grass, bar tending for bees, drunk
with silly, wasted sumptuous dreams,
wooden troughs, overflowing, wasted
sustenance for tufts of grass which flourish below
the overflow, on the ground, the ground
beneath my stumbling steps, raucous,
dumbfounded, smiling with idiotic content,
as I continue, walking, then jogging,
onward, geese-less, beguiled, oblivious
to the effects I have on others,
drama for God alone.

The roar of highway traffic nearby continues unabated.

Touch

handshand on purplehand on orange
Touch, essence of life, from which all other senses spring, is a casualty of formality. Love’s darling, touch loses herself in her offspring, loses the bucket to the well of love’s air, waiting for breath, quietly talking as s’he waits to be breathed, quivering, alive.

We don’t touch each other enough. It gets lost in the shuffling dance of politeness and meaning. We don’t want to give the wrong impression, we don’t want to open ourselves to pain, or rejection. We fear germs. Too much intimacy weakens us. We prefer to keep things under control, with words and their polite walls.

Blogging takes touch away completely, starving already emaciated yearning even further. What I would give to touch the hand of some of the friends I have made here. Would it happen? Could it happen? Perhaps we can never meet, for that would give away all our secrets.

Touch is non-verbal. I’ve made a habit to hug all my friends whenever I part from them. Sometimes it feels awkward, since people aren’t accustomed to hugging much in this country. (Men in particular stick their butts out, so as not to touch crotches.) But I believe strongly in my hugging habit, my version of formal, ritual touch, since there is little other. I believe it can pass messages otherwise unspoken, or even un-thought. I believe it can heal.

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Touch My Soul

Touch my soul and it is yours.

(It is never
mine.
Fire eating
snakes nip at my nipples,
unzip my fly,
bitemy mosquito)

Take my hand.

(Filling their mouths, drinking
mother’s milk, they
queue up at my statue.)

(It is not theirs.)

Look into my eyes.

(Then
Quantum
leaps
over a hedge,
falling flat
on
my back.)

What is yours?

Kissing me is not…

…the answer.

Touch my soul and…

…it is ours.
Take your bow.

Hows and Whys of my Ps and Qs

green goddess
I’m morphing, trying to get my life balanced, blogged out, blogging in other directions, feeling good about those other directions (for now), filling out my gut with life and deep laughter, birthing raw thoughts from the underbelly of wild animals, beginning to believe again in the possibility of true newness in life, thinking there is hope of salvaging my distant relationship with the clarinet, thinking there may be a lover out there to match me (but not yearning for it), not reading enough books at all, yet, generally feeling quite vivid, attenuated, effulgent…drinking from the source.

I want to apologize to those whose blogs I usually frequent. During Winter I hibernate. I go inside my “box” and clean up, sort, add content, edit, rest…lots of resting, resting my eyes, my brain, my insides, taking time to stare out the window, time to watch the particular jiving, bobbing Indian head dance of turtledoves.

The word selfish is apt to describe this behavior. But from all that I’ve learned from interacting with all of you in this electronic neighborhood, I know I am useless unless I balance my own scales. I’ll be here. And in due time I’ll be getting back to visiting all my friends, old and new, including you.

So, please forgive my manners. My Ps and Qs my be out of place, but my intentions are sincere and my loving thoughts still go out to you all, if a bit more quietly for awhile.