Just Poetry

From a distance
the white houses and white churches glow,
poetry on a hillside.
Passing through
in our technological tube,
Norton, Virginia comes
and goes, a cosmopolitan crumb
sustained by dwindling black blood
pumping through railroad  veins.
Approaching closer,
dilapidated shacks and crumbling shelters lean toward chaos.
Rusty pickups clutter littered garages.
In weedy yards, pocked by angular bushes,
plastic gnomes and elves pose, motionless,
(for show)
tacky plastic mythology-
imitation city-
And the white houses and white churches remain
ust poetry.
(on the hillside)

I wrote this after a train ride through Norton, VA. I tired to describe the sweet melancholy I felt at these signs of cultural decay accompanied by stubborn clinging to existence.

Soundless Love

Like the memory of
a sweet violin
I sing inside your ear
and bring you to meet another
part of yourself.

Like a dewdrop
rolling off a leaf
I fall
in a silent journey
to the pond below
with a soundless splash
and a gentle ripple

Saint Louis, Missouri

    A few weeks ago I was in Saint Louis for a couple of days. I auditioned for the orchestra there. The audition didn’t pan out. But the visit to the city was interesting.

    I got there on Easter Sunday. Not a good time to arrive in the middle of red state territory. It was deserted. A ghost town. I had trouble finding a place to eat. I was staying downtown. St. Louis is huge, but the downtown population has been shrinking since the ’50’s. So on Easter Sunday, I felt as if I’d landed on the wrong planet.

    The avenues were all 8 lanes or more. They reminded me of the huge communist Chinese cities built in Mao’s heyday, built for the grandeur of a society which never materialized. Barren sweeping avenues which dead ended in the country, with a few bicyclists wandering down them. I didn’t see a soul walking around St. Louis, except one polite homeless person who asked very nicely for some change to get a bite to eat. Not a soul otherwise. I’m not counting cars, of which there were a few.

    I decided to walk down to the arch, the Gateway to the West. On the way down I passed the Old Courthouse, where the infamous Dred Scott case was originally tried before going to the US Supreme Court. The official name of arch is the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial. Sounds kind of pompous titled that way. I like Gateway Arch. (or maybe Half MacDonalds Arch!) Designed by Eero Saarinen, a Finnish/American, it’s a 630 foot catenary arch. It’s triangular, not square, and tapers at the top, making it seem higher. Built in the 60’s to commemorate the Louisiana Purchase and the settlement of the American West, it’s a very cool thing to see at night, with no one around

    Gateway_arch.jpgThere are a dozen or so huge spot lights trained all along the arch. And the shine of that brushed steel is powerful. As I approached it, feeling a little trepidation at being so alone in the open at night in a strange, deserted city, the arch loomed up over me, drawing me closer. The city receded in the background, hollow and predictable. But this shiny, strange, beautiful arch tempted me. (I wouldn’t have been surprised if a door had opened and a little green man asked if I wanted some space candy.)

    It seemed like something out of 2001: a Space Odyssey. You remember, the strange obelisk or whatever it was, which kept appearing. Well this thing could have been planted here by some vastly superior culture from a distant galaxy. But certainly not by a conservative, Midwestern city whose claim to fame is some beer (Anheuser-Busch) and genetically engineered crops (Monsanto ). It seemed incongruous.

    This beautiful structure simply didn’t deserve to sit here. It should be out on the plain somewhere, or in the middle of a dessert, where it’s grace and supple shimmer could be experienced appropriately. But there is was, surrounded by a clunky, barren, overgrown American city. At least I had it all to myself for awhile.

    As for the city, I was most impressed, and most taken aback, by how polite and friendly people were. I kept jumping when some stranger would, quite suddenly, ask how I was doing or wish me a good day. (I knew I wasn’t in New York, that’s for sure.) For such a huge city, I was comforted knowing how helpful and polite folks were. But there was a limit, and I found it. I complained about the dysfunctional phone system in the hotel, and though I was treated politely, I knew I had crossed a boundary. I had messed up the happy illusion where everything is OK. Nonetheless, I relished the kindness and will not forget it.

    I managed to find the "gay" part of town, called Central West End. But that was not quite what I expected either. I read about rainbow flags flying from beautiful Victorian houses in quiet neighborhoods.There were areas of beautiful, large houses, but each idyllic street had a sign at the entrance warning trespassers and solicitors to stay out. Not a bad thing, but certainly not open arms friendly. Some of the really big, fancy neighborhoods actually had enormous iron gates blocking entrance. I was not welcome to stroll too close.

    I did stumble on the best book store I’ve ever been in. It’s called Left Bank Books, and if you are ever in St. Louis you have to go there. It’s independent, so they can sell whatever they want. This place was way liberal, way gay, way cool. I browsed for an hour, paging though Jonathan Letham, Thomas Frank, and others, finally settling on buying only 4 books, since I had to get them back to Columbus the next day. I’m looking forward to reading Random Family by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc. Anyway, I would never choose to visit St. Louis, but I’m glad I did.

Boy

Caress-able
        Silky
        Smooth
        Vivid
        Arc
In liquid time.

Itchy bubbles
        Blistering
        Sucking
        Black hole
Of desire.

Cascading fire
        Melting
        Smoldering
        Searing
        Flesh
In lightening’s eye.

I watched him showing off his backbends and backflips, shirtless, baggy shorts. This poem is three snaps of him: his beauty; his desire, or mine; and the sweet wound inflicted by his beauty.

My Hero

Army sergeant Robert Stout is a brave man. Not only did he spend time in the heat of battle, and was wounded in Iraq, but he has the incredible courage to stand up for his sexuality. And the balls to publicly call for change in the Pentagon’s outdated “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

Now that’s courage, especially considering the rampant spread of open disdain for the rights of gays anywhere, including the hateful bans on marriage between two loving people.

But the Army has told him to keep quiet. Wow, how patriotic. Here’s a soldier who has earned a purple heart, and who wants to continue to serve his country, and risk his life, and the best they can do is shoosh him. “Don’t embarrass us!” Well, it’s time the American armed forces catch up with the rest of the world. Almost any other country’s military service rules allow openly gay personnel. And so far, there have been no reports of nellie queens running around the front lines. (Actually, maybe this administration should consider “nellie” training as a diversionary tactic! Can you imagine, a battalion of Queens in spandex leopard skin tights, sunglasses, huge hats, and attitude to stop any terrorist in their tracks!!)

Stout says he’s openly gay among most of his platoon. And he says there are many gay men serving, but most are afraid or just hassled by the oppressive and un-necessary policy.

These days, the army is struggling to meet it’s recruiting goals. At the same time, though the discharges are fewer, they persist in letting good soldiers go. They are kicking out good men and women, just to be stubborn about it, against all rational evidence. And remember, it’s expensive to train these folks. That’s our tax dollars being wasted on a bigoted, old fart policy. Stout is optimistic when he says, “We’ve progressed past it both as a military and as a society.” I’d say we are still backsliding in general gay policy in this country. I hope his optimism has a chance to flower. He certainly deserves that reward for his courage. I salute Sgt. Stout.