Letting Go

One could also say Give In. Sometimes it’s necessary to find balance by letting go, giving in.

Letting go of grudges can be hard, but there’s undeniable sense in it. It takes courage to float free without that solid feeling of anger to push against. It may take years to let go of a grudge, but with persistence, it is finally done and then it seems so sensible.

R came to visit for a few weeks. Five years after he left me, I’m able to fully embrace his wonderful being without any regret, anger, grudge or hurt. None. That’s freedom.

Letting go of expectation is also difficult. We all expect a lot of ourselves. Sometimes I’m just bogged down with expectation. It’s a mire through which I slog, unable to move. It’s so ironic that my attempts to motivate myself are the reason I can’t. Once a counselor told me I need a T-shirt that says “Should Man”, since I over used that word in our sessions.

I have a pile of shirts which need to be ironed. I washed them, but haven’t had time or focus to iron them. They’ve migrated all around the house in various meaningful places of expectation, in the basement while they waited to be ironed the first time weeks ago, then in my living room, waiting to be taken to the cleaners to be washed again so they could be ironed by someone else, up in my bedroom, where I had no idea why they were there, and now back int he living room, conspicuously staring at me, accusing. The ironing dream may happen, it may not. Luckily I don’t wear them often. But this time, I think I’ll give up and have them professionally done. At least that clears the slate, and hopefully next time, I’ll iron each one as I it.

Giving up on changing habits. I wish I could be more disciplined in many, many things. I “should” do so much more. But I don’t. Even though I don’t agonize like I used to, I still bind myself to those weights and drag them around. I should get up earlier, I should read more, I should blog less. When I stop “shoulding”, I panic, “What now?” (That response I have yet to figure out.)

Luckily blogging fills ALL my time so I don’t notice what I’m not doing. So if the house is burning down, I’ll just call the fire brigade and keep blogging until they get here. When the cats need feeding, they tell me, and I go back to blogging. I’m just whining lightly here. I know what I’m doing, and I know I have to check myself. Blogging gives me a certain high, so despite my “shoulding” I continue. So giving up and giving in is a calculated risk I’m willing to take.

Pema Chodron says start from where you are. This means completely accepting where you are in every detail, emotionally, physically, habitually, socially. And Stay with yourself. Stay with your frustrations, your fears, from the inside out. Start from where you are, over and over and over.

So giving up is not throwing up your hands and saying “f**k it”. It’s softening enough to say it’s OK to be where you are, and it’s also OK to move a little here or there. That way you fogive as you go.

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7 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. A friend of mine who was heavy into meditation shared Pema Chodron’s words with me once. It was both a relief and a blessing to me.

    Thank you,
    For sharing her words here.

    I have been spending a disproportionate amount of time blogging too. Which leads me to wonder what would happen if I were to take half of my blog time and spend it focused on something else?

  2. I believe there’s a fine line between ignorance and acceptance… and I would hope that whatever it is that you’re attempting to let go of, it is through the latter. Acceptance is likely the only source of true peace for a troubled head or heart. Ignoring it will just put up resistance to it, deny it’s existence, and ultimately offer it a window through which to return when you least expect it.

    Congratulations on letting go. I could take a lesson.

  3. G-
    Over the past few years, especially this last one, life has been certain that it would teach me about letting go and I have learned. Maybe that’s where the joy comes from mine and yours too. I listened a lot to Lisbeth Scott’s “Passionate Voice”

    I surrender and I lay down my needs.

    There’s comfort in it. I can’t explain how or why.

    What you wrote is lovely and I bet R thought you were glowing.

  4. ‘Should’ must be in the air as I found myself writing about that at 6am this morning and smiled when at 1pm I decided on a sandwich and a little look at blogs I found your post. Good to be linked even with an ocean and time difference between us:0)

  5. Thank you all for the comments! Letting go is so important. I may blab about it more later.

    Fineartist- So nice to have you visit. I’ve seen your fine comments around the neighborhood. Pema is wonderful, I read her a lot. The book I’m reading now is Comfortable with Uncertainty. Each chapter is only a page, so i read it as an attatude cleanser.

    stupidbeautiful- I agree, there is a big difference. That’s where teachers and friends can help to keep us honest. It’s so easy to rationalize it’s scary.

    Liz-It’s funny how sometimes we need a determined teacher to get us to face certain lessons. I’ll have to check out “passionate voice”. “I surrender and I lay down my needs.” Are those your words or hers?

    Jeff- That’s exactly what I was trying to say with too many words.

    Daisy-Winifred- I’ve just read your “should” post. *twilight zone music* wow, as usual, you delve so deeply and peacefully into a rich subject. We are all barely aware of the heavy hand of conformity leaning on us daily. I liked one of your phrases so much I want to repeat it here for all to see!

    “…Reaching for meaning, messing up and moving forward not as threat, declaration of war or want but as life expressed as need, life entertained only by means of hope, life precious enough to die in the attempt to live it, life that finds silence is all about laughter, stillness all about flow and solitude all about connection, the link, the relationship one star has with the trillions of others around me.”

  6. Letting go is the ultimate test of love isn’t it Darlin’? You will never really know if it was meant to be, if you don’t let it free… Only then will you be able to trust and embrace the reality of true love…


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