Continuing my explorations of gay spirit through my own experience, I want to elaborate gently on the idea of difference, taboo, and androgyny as tools for healing. I often ponder why I am gay. As my mother once aptly noted, “It can’t be an easy life for you.”
In our world, with it’s focus on material existence, especially the materialism of thought, we are unbalanced in favor of control. Many folks enjoy this kind of energy, they thrive on it. They can stay in control without any apparent stress. My hat’s off to them. I don’t feel that way. Perhaps they don’t either, underneath.
In response to power and control, I find the opposite more fulfilling: to acquiesce, relinquish power, envelop strength with its opposite. I’m here to show a different view, to break down “normal” patterns, to balance the majority with spiritual and cultural difference, drawn from my taboo life. If I see myself in terms of society’s norms, I fail to awaken something essential in me. If I let go, give into the direction my sexuality takes me, forge my own path, I find I have power in my faerie spirit, a perspective few see.
Something in me tells me I need to explore the taboo in myself, and by reflection, in society. My sexuality is not just who I’m attracted to, but how I’m attracted to them. I feel a latent androgyny in my body, an ecstasy of opening rather than entering. (see Faerie Spirit) I sense in myself a burgeoning of confidence and power based on this opening, soft, letting, allowing spirit. It seems right. It connects me to something deep and rich which I barely recognize. I am also terrified of it, and lonely. I am unsure if this is an aberration of human nature, or a gift to it, or just a benign personal choice. I like to think there’s a mythical, healing reason.
I am drawn to very abstract explanations of why I exist, what my purpose is. (Existentialism worked for me when I was young, but leaves me cold now) I think it’s vital to human existence to acknowledge the need for myth. Whether we think so or not, we are constantly affected by the myth making power of popular culture. We are inundated. Perhaps that is sufficient to sustain the majority, but I feel deeply drawn to something more internal, something pure, consistent, universal.
Some find this in religion. I seek a unique spirituality to incorporate my unique sexuality. I look for timeless patterns and myths within my sexuality. And I am finding, or maybe even creating those myths by exploring the taboo ecstasy of my body. Perhaps I am here as a gay man to demystify and mythologize taboo, not only sexually, but throughout culture.
Technorati Tags: sexuality, androgyny, taboo, radical faeries.
I would like to wrtie more about this subject, but nobody seems interested. Please let me know if you would like to read more about this.
Garnet
I would love to read more about you and your journey my dear Garnet. It is very rare that I find someone who so elequently states their views such as you.I would like to learn more of the world through your eyes, because mine are somewhat biast and indiferent to the goings on around me. I have, I can’t say many, but a few gay friends. My baby cousin is in fact gay, and I would like to be able to relate to him on more levels than are possible for me at this time. Seeing things from one of his kindred’s point of view, might be helpful to me in understanding the wonderful person he is, and can yet be. If, for some reason, you choose not to continue in your writing, thank you for sharing what you have with me. I enjoyed you emensely. Take care, & above all, be happy!
~*~K~*~
K- What a nice comment! Thanks for the sweet support.
take care,
David
To the woman who just left a wonderul comment about taboo sex- I apologize for my spam eater. I read your comment and want to respond.
I agree that taboo sex is disproportionately reviled in society. Society has a way of smoothing out any wrinkles in any practice, thereby erasing or suppressing or ignoring anything outside the limited “common denominator” of “normal”.
Unfortunately, this means that valid or beautiful practices can be demonized. It has happened throughout history, notably when early scientists were persecuted for going against religious dogma.
Taboo sex, especially taboo gay sex, is particularly at risk. I stopped writing about it here because the silence was so deafening. People are terrified to even acknowledge such radical behavior. Even open minded people are afraid of such subjects.
I understand completely (I am the one who wrote the spam eaten comment).
I am a Dakini worker. If you don’t know what that is, it’s what Tantra people call themselves when they do sexual healing work. I was a courtesan for ten years and have a blog with a different ID. I also have the blog listed here to express more of my spiritual stuff, but am not liking the split so am bridging the two more and more. I invite you over there for another version of taboo sex.
I am so curious about this aspect of spirituality as I think that issues of sex, especially the taboo ones, are the places where huge spiritual leaps and bounds can be found here.
It’s not an easy thing to do, to have this discussion…
However…
Obviously there is an interest, yes? As your Top posts numbers of clicks on your sidebar shows.
I have been raising this question on my Spiritual Blog..why is it that the power of sexuality is not discussed more in SpiritBlogLand (as I call it)? People have huge tweaks. It’s not easy calling society on those tweaks, so I, too, don’t talk much about it. But something inside me is wanting to do so more. It’s finding the ways that make it easy and positive and not inviting too many unhealed demons that want expression and to use me as their mirror.
Hugs your way…and Blessings abounding!!
If you want to visit my sites, you can go to the one registered here and there is a link to my Courtesan site.
Gillette/Pamm
Pamm- Thank you for checking back. I have linked to both your blogs. You have inspired me to continue my explorations of these subjects on my blog here.
David