Growing a Boyfriend

He’s shy and quiet.
You barely notice
his diminutive presence,
tucked away
in his modest room.
I make a date
to meet his full
potential, filling
up his stature
to please my desire.
He willingly submits
to the plan to expand
his tiny form
to meet the standards
of my expectation.
As he bathes and soaks
his dry skin softens.
Instead of shrinking
to a prune of fruit,
his body grows, and grows
as the pink, sleepy shape
wakes and thrives,
stretching to attention,
many times his original size.
The blooming presence
comes clutching a heart and flowers
and rosy cheeks radiantly
anticipating my caress.
But I tell him “Thank you,
you’re not my type”,
and continue to roam.
Though I’m flattered
I’ll have to pass
this opportunity
to date a mere five inch
piece of slimy foam.

tiny date

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11 thoughts on “Growing a Boyfriend

  1. What a surprise that ending was! Made me smile too. Who would want someone that we designed anyway? Boring. Need a little spice and surprise to make life fun. Besides I think I’d keep mistaking that guy for a sponge. 🙂

  2. I’m impressed I managed to keep the surprise wrapped up so long.

    Liz- Sponges need love, too. He’ll have to find someone his own size, though. You know any short sponges who need a date?

  3. I caught on early on since I’ve been given a ton of those expandable sponge things as gag gifts. But that didn’t kill the pleasure of the whimsy of the poem.

  4. Oh my – that’s Mr. Grow a Date!!! My family with their wonderful sense of humor bought me one once 🙂 He didn’t grow…guess he didn’t want me.


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