Comfort of Friends

During my childhood my family moved every two or three years to another city. My father worked for the US Foreign Service Diplomatic Corps, and we were transfered regularly. I learned not to put down deep roots.

As an adult, I wonder how much this affected me. In some ways, I’ve always been a loner. I’m a musician, and our best work is done alone in the practice room. I’ve never been a team player, but I think that’s just the way I am.

Where do the causes stop and the effects begin? Maybe my rootlessness gave me an advantage. Perhaps I was able to step outside of a situation and see that change is not so threatening. After all, my security was intact. I always had my family with me.

As I gracefully enter the prime of life at age 45, I begin to realize that my physical rootlessness may have laid the foundation for seeking deeper friendships. I am very faithful, and will exert great effort to keep in touch with long lost friends. Usually I’m the one who is let down. I am slow to form deep relationships, and I admit I have issues with intimacy. But once I decide there’s value in a person, they almost never get written off by me. Sometimes I even suffer from stress caused by “managing” too many friendships.

My life is entering a stage where my roots are beginning to deepen. I have been in the same house for 16 years, the longest time in one place. And I have remodeled the entire place to my liking. Yet if I had to move tomorrow, I think I would manage. I feel most at home when sharing the company of friends. That is the only home I need.

One thought on “Comfort of Friends

  1. Your post resonates deeply within me. Although my family did not move often, I lived in an area where many of my friends moved often. I still live in that area and wish that I had chosen an area w/ roots to settle down in as an adult. That is because I, too, am a loner but feel security and comfort from my friends. I’m not a musician, but I’m an artist so perhaps there are some commonalities there… As I grew older, I became more outgoing so that many wonder if I was *ever* shy. However, my inner core would still be best described as introspective, however spontaneous and theatrical I sometimes appear.

    I’m intense, loyal, sensitive, a thinker, passionate, and feel deeply. I question so much that some are blown away. Other think of it as artistic quirkiness with an uncharacteristic left-brain twist tossed in to shake up the Seize-Her Salad that is me. Although I meet my responsibilities head-on, I believe there are many areas in which one should remain playful in attitude and action.

    Unlike you, I have repeatedly and brutally been betrayed by family so trust is eroded and gone in regard to them. It’s a deep loss, but one that’s not for me to fix. I’m still working on acceptance of such. The hurt is still raw after many years and cycles back in insidious ways.

    A small circle of longtime friends were woven effortlessly into the tapestry of my life from a young age. My friends are my family, gems whose eyes and voice light up my heart as much as I hope they feel my love for them. I dearly miss those who have needed to move,but life is an adventure and I welcome making new friends, although I am still choosy and wary.

    Once someone is implanted in my heart, I think I’m like a loyal dog who thrives on the give and take of deep friendship: that rare connection that sings through each of you in both planned and spontaneous song. To me, laughter or side-by-side comfortable silence is the crescendo. Oops, I became carried away by your post. From the moment I read your blog, I thought you’d be an engaging and unique person to converse with. Thank you for that opportunity on your blog.

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